Friday, October 29, 2010

ComCrap/Hewlett Crappard

Can you guess what my rant is about today?

We bought a Compaq laptop 1 year and 31 days ago. How do I know exactly? Because that is the day it stopped working properly and the warranty is expired. But not to worry, I called the beyond wonderful ComCrap help desk, located surprisingly, in beautiful downtown Bangladash, India. They assure me that they can stand behind their product 100%... as long as I buy the warranty for the low, low price of $299.99. And once I pay this low, low only just slightly inconvenient fee and pack up the laptop in a big ole box, they will take 2-3 weeks (in which time you'll be without your ComCrap craptop laptop - hey, it doesn't work anyhow!) and possibly send it back to completely fixed. And the bonus??? Once they "fix" it, they guarantee it will work for thirty days. Wow, a more solid warranty one cannot find this side of India, which surprisingly, is the country I talked to several times.

We need a new laptop in our home. My guess is that it will not be a ComCrap or a Hewlett Crappard which apparently are one in the same. Hewlett Crappard didn't have enough sub-standard products in their own company, so they bought out ComCrap.

I originally bought this laptop at a box store near us. I'm not sure that you have them where you live, but it's called Worst Buy. Yes, Worst Buy for all your computer needs, well, at least until they don't work, then you're on your own. And don't forget their free 12 month financing, with no minimum payments, as the sales clerk told me. Well, apparently, that's not true as there are minimum payments and you don't have to make them. They will be quite happy when you don't actually, as then they can charge you $39 a month for a late payment. As I was told by the 12 year old female store manager, Bev, it doesn't matter what the salesman told me, I was supposed read the fine print, which has a font size on 3. The only people who can read it are the little tiny bugs installed inside your laptop, which are genetically grown to come alive at 12 months and 1 day, so they can reek havoc on the inside of your laptop. Oh, and for the record, Bev doesn't have a last name was when I got a "little" upset and asked for her last name as I had planned to write a letter or two to the CEO who would be happy to ignore my letters, once they received them. She told me, "I don't have to tell you my last name!" Needless to say, we don't shop at Worst Buy anymore. That's one box store down. And living in Vermont, we have a limited amount of box stores. We have a store that sells boxes, but that's another story.

And don't forget S-crap-ells! I love their buttons that say "That was easy!". The problem is that pushing the button is the only thing that's easy about dealing with their store.

Yes, S-crap-ells, where they offer you $100 off your purchase for your old PC as long as it has Windows XP and boots up. My old laptop did boot up and have Windows XP, but they refused as it did not come originally installed. Even though, you guessed it, that's not what the salesman told me. Also, don't forget to take advantage of their 6 month free financing program, which, just happened to expire last week, even though, once again, the wonderful salesman told me to make sure to take advantage of. It only took five people to figure that out. First, it was the pimply faced 11 year old, whose voice cracked several times at the service desk, who had never taken a credit card application. He called over the 14 year, assistant to the assistant assistant, and he also, didn't know what his name was. (I wish Dwight Schrute still worked here, he'd help me!) The 14 year old called over the assistant manager who had to go ask another manager. They both came back shaking their heads, disappointingly, which made me shake my head and wonder why I was in this store. That highly touted 6 month free financing program, which comes special today with a 29.99% interest rate, expired last week. Sorry.

As I told them goodbye, after first promising to never to visit a store who employees either lied to me or who were too stupid/dumb to know what the store policies are.

So, we are still laptop-less, but thankfully we ARE crap-top less and will continue to ignore the huge sales of ComCrap/Hewlett Crappard craptops.

And just so you know, I'm not alone, I googles compaq and one of my favorites finds is:

http://www.compaqsucks.com/.

I'll check and see if they have free financing.

6 comments:

hotdog said...

Hilarious Patrick... all I can say is "Buy a Mac"!
I have 5 Apples and have had them for what seems like forever, and before you go off on their prices, isn't 5 + years worth any of this aggravation you're putting up with?
My in-laws are all highly intelligent, mastered degreed, engineers
(all 6 of them... really 6 ! Thanksgiving is always very dysfunctional)
including my wife / chemical engineer (remember Clarkson, where your genius wife went?...)
and 3 have know converted to my wisdom with surprisingly pleasing results, and my little home network of 5 Apple-Macintoshes, is wonderful!

Mitch said...

Man, what troubles you're having. I'd never buy Compaq because of the HP connection. And I'm not sending you to a Mac either; not for me.

I'm going to mention 2 laptop types. One is a Toshiba; I've had mine for 6 1/2 years and it still works great. I did have to replace the battery once, but big deal for around $30. The other is Acer. Quality stuff, both of them, though my experience is with Toshiba. I thought about Sony, but I've never really heard good or bad about them, just big.

Anonymous said...

newegg.com

Anonymous said...

BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAA!
been there, done this. even under warranty, service can be sketchy.

definitely not a mac girl here, so i don't recommend going mac. honestly, i believe that all laptops and desktops are made to be disposable. i expect everything to break and break fairly quickly. and forget the extended plans- they usually don't cover whatever breaks here.

we have had hp (2 towers, 2 lappies, and a netbook) and compaq (tower for the kids which is seemingly great). b just got an ipad (which i don't like). all have been decent. we don't spend big at all, mostly because a. i am cheap, and b. i expect them to break (yes, even the spendy stuff crashes).

STAY AWAY FROM BEST BUY. they are horrible (and tied to bad politics). i loathe that place, haven't shopped there in years. staples is decent if you need something right now. but my fav is amazon. great prices, free shipping, quick delivery.

did you check to see if there are any recalls on your dead laptop? our big lappy died last year, a year out of warranty, and i found out that the very expensive fix was covered under a recall.

good luck!!!
bookies

Mark Armstrong said...

You know you're a humorist when... you can take an extremely painful experience and turn it into something funny. My friend, you're a humorist!

Does this make the original experience any less galling, maddening, and frustrating? Unfortunately, no-- I've been there. Many times.

"You get what you pay for." I hate that truism because it's always true. I've been burned every time I've ignored it.

In this particular case, there is a silver lining; namely: another great rant from Crabby Man!! I enjoyed it, sir, thank'ee-- and may a sweet-chuggin' problem-free laptop soon be yours! (and yes, FWIW, I'd say try a Mac)

Pat Henry said...

Russell, I'd love a Mac... my wallet - not so much...

Bookies - I have officially renamed Best Buy to Worst Buy/Worst Service... like the only Lily Tomlin AT&T phone commercial, "We're AT&T, we don't care... we don't have to!"

Mitch - I'm looking at Toshiba an possibly going back to a good old sheet of paper...

Mark - I'm just follow the great path laid by a fellow humorist and nearly CEO of an insurance company... yes, I shall go purchase another PC/laptop soon and 30 days after the warranty, I'll be lamenting my purchase once again...